Before I did a 180 with my life 5 years ago, I was a woman who was not good at communicating in my personal life. I was rather the opposite – super good at shutting people out. Straight up changing my cell number or just consistently ignoring people. And I truly don’t think it was personal towards anyone…I just didn’t know how to develop healthy boundaries & was so all over the place in many ways. I was being selfish, self centered at times…not caring how I made others feel.
Now, I would not say that I am a great communicator but a lot of my limitations are health/cognitive related. Brain fog is a big factor in my auto immune disease, Lupus, and it is increased by the heavy medications I take daily to keep my diseases from flaring (steroids, immunosuppressants in the chemo fam,& etc.).
However, I have the deep desire to communicate, to connect, to be involved in my friends’ lives…to be present. The diseases I am afflicted with make it almost impossible to for me to be consistent, stay on top of things (except my meds-I am super compliant about taking my medications which is great) and communicate.
A tiny voice inside me is almost embarrassed to start blogging again after so many failed attempts to be consistent and so many times I haven’t been able to. But tonight? Tonight I wanted to talk about communication though I physically feel like crap-but want to start chipping away at all that I want to share with my family & friends…all that I want to communicate.